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Words of Wonder by eternal-proesia

Literature. by Concrete-Love


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Submitted on
February 17, 2010
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Who has seen the fire fall?
Heard the sparrow's morning call
breathed the wind and felt the thrall
who has seen the fire fall?

Who has held the light in palm?  
Enemy's hand without a qualm?
Love--sorrow's needed balm--
held the silence, dark and calm?

Who has seen yesterday's smile?
Sepia stretched for miles and miles
Bleeding colours, tiring trials,
childhoods, memories stored in files

Electric lights, electric stars
hear the scream of crashing cars
people locked behind steel bars
organs stored in plastic jars...

Who has heard the bubbling brook?
Seen the passing time it took
for trees to grow, so have a look
at giants felled and pressed to book

Journey to another place--
steal a mask to save some face
take things from another race
giving wealth an endless chase

Who has seen the fire fall?
Chemical lights explode in squall--
fighting brings a blinding wall
hide the death that follows all

Mortality's rate is climbing tall.
Hear the people weep and bawl
as children starve and grown men crawl--
"Who has seen the fire fall?"

Who has seen the fire fall?
As birds cease their merry call
burnt the wind and rain in all
trying to find a way to stall
a crashing bomb and crushing ball--
Spark a hope, however small.

Who has stopped a fire's fall?

November 10th, 2009
Have you ever stopped a fire's fall?

How have you helped prevent society's suicide?

---

Would any kind readers please explain to me how to properly fix this so it flows better? ...I have a deep desire to gravitate away from my impassioned, amatuer attempts at poetry with a message. Any critique is welcomed with desperation.

---

Wrote this one day in History class after seeing a WWII movie.

Needless to say it gave me a deep impression...

Main art account: :iconsorelliena:
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:iconkittylivers:
kittylivers Featured By Owner May 25, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:iconthewrittenrevolution:
Honestly, I wish I could give you some critique, but this piece is really wonderful. I think that the message is loud and clear, and the structure and rigid rhyme kind of mocks the content. You don't sacrifice your content for you rhyme, it really works well. Though the rhymes are simple, they sound wonderful, not trite or amateurish.
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:iconidesofdecember:
IdesOfDecember Featured By Owner May 26, 2010
:hug: Thank you very much for taking the time to read this and give me feedback :D
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner May 25, 2010  Student Writer
Amazing rhyming - the rhyming doesn't sound awkward at all, brilliant imagery and the overall feel was really very strong.
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:iconidesofdecember:
IdesOfDecember Featured By Owner May 26, 2010
Ahaaa thank you T_T :hug:
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:iconlividlotus:
lividlotus Featured By Owner May 24, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
all the rhymes are excellent
doesn't feel like it's overused; flows well in my opinion.
well done! :clap:
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:iconidesofdecember:
IdesOfDecember Featured By Owner May 26, 2010
Thank you very much :hug:
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:iconlividlotus:
lividlotus Featured By Owner May 27, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome dear :heart:
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:iconoracle-tsukiakari:
Oracle-TsukiaKARI Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2010
I love the flow of the words ^_^
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:icongabbykeehl:
GabbyKeehl Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
This is amazing. You're so talented. ^.^
Reply
:iconsunlightincarnate:
SunlightIncarnate Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2010
Another great poem, you're pretty good at rhyming! :la:
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